Police Report

Here is the official police report from Saturday night:

There appears to be a serial stabber in the Robbinsdale area.  Another stabbing occurred at the same location as the first stabbing, around 9:30pm on Saturday evening.  The victim was only stabbed 3 times on this occasion, with all stabbings isolated in the ear area.  The stabber, coincidentally, was also stabbed once in the attack.  There are no fatalities to report.

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That's right.  I reported her.  This simply can't go on!  This time wasn't nearly as bad as last week, but it is still painful to think about.  I'm sure you're all curious as to what my "blood number" was this week.  Well, great news!  It dropped to 338!  Mom was so scared to look at the monitor, but when she did, she scooped me up and gave me half a bag of treats (I think we now know why I'm diabetic).  Hopefully my number continues to drop below 120...time will tell!

For now, I think I'll help myself to another treat. 

Don't mind if I do!

I've Been Shot! Manimal down!

Well, I learned a few things today about Mom.  1) She's a horrible liar.  2) She should never be employed in the medical field, as a seamstress, or do anything that involves needles.  3) She can be mean.  Let me explain...

I've been on my new diabetic diet for almost a week now, so mom thought she'd better try out this blood sugar testing thing on me sooner than later.  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! "Don't worry", she says, "I've watched several YouTube videos on this and read the manual".  Oh good, mom.  I feel so much more relaxed knowing that you watched a 60 second video created by another amateur to learn how to stab me in the ear.  Unfortunately I'm a sucker for kitty treats and came running the minute she promised them.  Here's how it went down.  She pulled out this contraption and waved it in front of my face while telling me to "sit".  I gave it a good look...

I was like "Oh sweet, I just have to pee on that thing, right?"  Apparently that's for a different kind of test.  Mom then proceeded to uncap this device, which yielded a very sharp pointy needle.  She then put me in a choke hold and attempted to pierce my ear.  I juked to the left and then made a quick move to the right just as she hit the trigger to plunge the dagger into my ear.  It ended up getting her finger in the process and drew a tiny drop of blood.  I told her to get it checked in the diabetes machine (which she didn't find very funny).  Now she was out to get me.  She got a good grip on me and started piercing my ear again.  And again.  And again.  She got me alright, but the first 5 or 6 didn't produce any blood, so she kept at it.  I could seriously have a row of bling up and down my ears had she attached some diamond studs to that needle.  Finally, after watching yet another YouTube video, she successfully drew blood.  I couldn't even look at that monster after what she had done to me...

Now, if you remember from my last update, my latest reading was 531 at the vet. (We are shooting for under 120 eventually).  I "blew" a 549.  Not exactly the number I was looking for, but the vet told mom that certain conditions can spike the reading, like, for instance, being chased by a crazy woman with a needle.  So I'm not too bummed out about it, especially since I've only been on my new diet for 6 days and it's still mixed in with my regular food (vets orders).  She said we'll try it again in a week or so.  God help me.

I'm sure you're all wondering how potty training is going...well, in all honesty, I haven't even started yet.  Mom didn't want to rock my world too much by changing both my diet and my bathroom at the same time (what a dear).  So, I think that'll start next week once I've gotten used to the first change a bit.

That's all for now...I'm off to ignore mom some more and make her feel bad (I literally haven't gotten within 10 feet of that woman since she assaulted me).  I have a feeling she'll cave soon and give me more kitty treats.   Hey, if she can be deceitful, so can I!!

Love, your blood brother,

Chuck

House of Pain

Mom and I are pretty pathetic lately.  Mom has been sick all weekend and I got some bad news after a recent trip to the vet.  Mom told her friend Heather that I've been eating and drinking a lot more than usual (and we all know how much I like to eat).  Heather has two cats and said that is a common symptom in diabetes.  She freaked mom out enough to get me tested.  When we got to the vet, the first thing they did was weigh me.  I weighed in at 14 lbs.  Mom said "That can't be right".  She re-weighed me...yep, I lost 4 lbs since Dec. I think Mom was jealous. :)

Anyway, the celebration didn't last long.  Later that day my blood test came back...I'm positive for diabetes.  A normal score is under 120...back in Dec when I got my teeth yanked, my score was 108.  On Friday it was 531.  Meowch.  The first thing we are going to do is change my diet to a more protein-based one vs. carbs.  Mom has to monitor my blood sugar levels and keep a close eye on me.  If I get worse, I'll have to get insulin shots from her twice a day.  Neither of us want that.  I'm already fearful of the blood sugar checks.  She bought this glucometer and it appears that she is going to prick my ear to get a blood sample. Um, what?

In other news, Citikitty arrived in the mail.  To prepare me for toilet training, Mom has moved my litter box to the basement bathroom.  I hate it down there!  To show her how much it "pissed" me off, I peed in my bed (which I have never used) right in front of her.  I wish I could've taped her reaction...at first she thought I was going to snuggle up in it.  But after a few seconds of me just staring at the wall, I think she realized I wasn't just "sitting".  Her praise quickly turned into "bad kitty!".  She now has two nicknames for me... "P Diddy" and (one I think is very rude) "Diabete Kitty".

The best part of peeing right in front of her was watching her take a picture of me doing it.  She thought she was capturing a precious moment in my bed, when really I was giving her good reason to clean the rug.