Holidays = Photo Shoots

I'm come to the realization that mom is going to make me pose for every stupid holiday on the calendar.  Christmas is no different.  She buttered me up with my favorite treats and then attacked me with Christmas decorations. I tried my best to get these stupid things off me, but every time I succeeded she just put it back on me again til I took a good picture.  Ahem...aren't all of my pictures good???

Here is what mom likes to call "Chuck's Christmas Montage":

  

It started out with me posing by a little Christmas tree.  I was totally ok with this.  Simple, classic, charming.

I'm then told to go stand by the bigger tree.  Um, what?  What was wrong with the picture by the little tree?  (Sigh) Alright...

                                                     

I have to stand by Santa and the Snowman now??  This couldn't possibly get any worse.

 It got worse.

 I'll wear this stupid hat but I'm not going

 to like it:

This next pose my mom told me to "look French".  What does that even mean?!

You can take away my manhood but you can't take away my catnip!!

At this point I decided to take the matter into my own paws and destroy the set:

Take that, tree.

Although I was close to taking my own life (all nine of them), I managed to get through the session virtually unharmed...minus the few scarring memories.  I thought I was home free until a package arrived in the mail today from my cousin Brooke.  She got my mom a really cute pink ornament for Christmas.  Mom then said with a frown, "Shoot, I didn't put up a tree this year.  Where am I supposed to hang this?"

Crap.

This is supposed to be on you, stupid tree.

I wish you all a very Meowy Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Love,

Chuck

Happy Thanksgiving!

I know it's that time of year when we're supposed to share what we're thankful for.  Forgive me for sounding ungrateful, but when mom makes me pose in these stupid positions it's sometimes hard to remember why I deal with her.  What's next?  Christmas cards??  Oh crap, I think she heard me.  Sigh.

Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving.  Although our faces below don't show it, my pilgrim friend and I are thankful to have you in our lives (because I'll need someone to take care of me if mom keeps up this nonsense)!

Love,
Chuck

I Smell A Rat...

Sorry for the lack of updates lately...I've been a little bitter and I'm finally ready to talk about it.  Alright, here's the situation.  My mom has been hanging around this guy lately...to protect his privacy let's just call him "Schmehrick".  He comes over and pretends to like me (especially in front of mom), but I don't buy it.  A few weeks ago he even tried to woo me with a toy...and as you can see from the pictures it obviously didn't work.  I'm way too masculine to fall for a stupid, little, fuzzy, adorable, amazing-smelling ... ahem... ratty, colorless and totally dull piece of fabric.  Don't play me for a fool...I will NOT be bribed!  I mean, look at this thing!


And don't be mistaken...I'm not cuddling with it in the next picture...I'm simply testing its durability for quality assurance... 

Oh...and this?  Sure it may LOOK like we're spooning, but in all actuality I'm just doing it to play his little game and make him THINK that I like the little rat.

Wait!  How'd this picture get in here???   I can explain.  I...uh...I'm fake sleeping with it so he'll leave me alone...

Ok, fine, so you busted me.  I like the stupid toy, so sue me (if you can find a good lawyer).  I'm a little worried because Schmehrick says I'll never be able to fill his shoes...

That may be true since I'm only 7 and he's WAY older, but I'm old enough to know one thing:

I MADE GREAT GRANDMA'S 90TH BIRTHDAY FAMILY COLLAGE AND HE DIDN'T!! 

I WIN!!

Peace out,

Chuck (aka #1)

The Talk

Here we go again...I knew something was up when mom said "We need to talk" and sat me down in a chair.  She explained to me that we were having visitors for the weekend and that it included a small child.  I've met my cousins Brooke and Charlie before, and although they are extremely adorable and I love them, I was exhausted by the time they left.  I like attention more than the average cat, but I also like a little "me" time.  I was simply afraid that our visitors were going to wear me out.  So, when mom said that Auntie Shelly, Uncle John and cousin Kate were coming, my first thought was "HIDE!"...

"The Talk"

I got so nervous about our upcoming visitors I almost puked...

Operation "Hide Me":  Can I fit back there?

How about here?

If I could just stay really still for four days...

Darn those ears!

Turns out, after our visitors had come and gone I realized I may have overreacted a bit.  Kate isn't able to crawl yet, so my freedom was spared.  Don't tell mom or Auntie Shelly, but Kate's Pack N Play is actually quite comfy at night and Kate is a great snuggler!  Uncle John may have noticed some of my cat hair in it this morning though...let's hope he doesn't have much going on upstairs in that head of his. ;)  Needless to say, I'm extremely ashamed of myself for assuming that my young visitor was going to torment me over the weekend.  I can't even show my face:

A big thanks to Auntie Shelly, Uncle John and Cousin Kate for coming to visit me this weekend!

Love,

Chuck

She's never leaving again...

It's time to take extreme measures.  Mom FINALLY got home after being gone for 6 long days.  I didn't know if she was ever coming back...usually she's gone for like 3 days at the max.  At least she didn't leave me completely alone.  She dropped me off at my ex mom's house but I soon realized that "he" was there.  Yeah, that beagle they call Rudy.  Well it wasn't long after I got there that the face off began. I'm proud to report that after only a short time, the score was Chuck: 1, Rudy: 0.  Just the way I like it.

Anyway, ever since mom got home I've been doing everything I can to keep her put. 

This includes, but not limited to:

The Lock 'N Hold

She need socks and underwear, right?  No chance if I camp out here!

Booted to the bottom drawer, but still effective!

P.S. There's no need to point out the fact that the drawers are slightly tilted downwards. I'm pretty sure it came like that...

What Have I Done?!?!

It's a sad day folks. The loveable, sweet, innocent kitty that you all thought I was is gone. As it turns out, I'm a ferocious killer. Stay away.

Let me take you through the terrible turn of events. At first, I was excited that I found a new friend. We were playing and having a great time together. I get a little hyper when I make new friends though, and I must have gotten a little rough with him. Before I knew it, my new friend had lost a leg. Then his head. I'm so ashamed...this is really hard for me to talk about, so I'll let the pictures do most of the talking for me...

This is when I realized something was wrong. I looked around frantically for someone to help...but there was nobody in sight...

I tried my darndest to revive my little friend. I pounded my fist to his chest in hope to restart that little heart of his...

I even tried mouth to mouth...

But nothing worked. I...killed...him. :'(

R.I.P. my little friend. You will never be forgotten.

Love,

Chuck

The Vet = The Devil

I knew something was up today when mom got out the crate. That means we were going for a ride somewhere, which I hate. She tried to lure me into the crate with kitty treats but I'm way too smart for that. However, she is a little bigger than I am and was able to eventually wrestle me into it. Unpleasant experience #1.

Once we got to the dreaded vet, everything seemed to be going fine. All the doctors commented on how handsome (and big) I am. And then they took me into what I refer to as "the place where bad things happen". I shudder just thinking about it.

The vet put me on a table and said "let's first take your temperature". Being the obedient kitty I am, I turned to her, opened my mouth and said "meaahhh". She laughed, pet my head and then turned me around to face mom who was on the other side of the table. Before I could figure out what was going on, I felt a stick go up my butt. Unpleasant experience #2. I tried to clench my butt cheeks together, but for the second time that day I was overpowered by a human.

Next she checked out my eyes, ears, mouth and my six pack abs. She said I had beautiful eyes, clean ears but jacked up teeth. Apparently Siamese cats like me are prone to that...kind of like British people. I have two teeth that are in serious need of extraction. They are inflamed and my gums are starting to grow over them, which is pretty painful. Mom asked how much that typically costs. The vet said probably around $600, which includes blood tests, the extractions, putting me under (I don't like the sound of that) and a stay at the vet for a day while I recover. Mom then asked if I was in pain because of it. Before the vet could answer, I interjected with a loud "Maaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr". She got her answer. Unpleasant experience #3 (moreso for mom).

Just when I thought the worst was over, I got scooped up and brought into the back room so they could draw blood and give me my distemper shot. Mom couldn't come with me, but without a doubt she could hear me crying when they put me into restraints and poked me with needles. Unpleasant experiences #4 and #5.

So, once I get my bloodwork back on Monday, Mom has to set up the date of my surgery. I plan on hiding out.

The only good thing about today was the presents mom got me. I got a slick new Furminator that Auntie Lynn suggested...mom tested it out outside and I think we had enough hair to make another kitty. She also got me a harness/leash so I hope that means we get to play outside more!

Finally, I know you're all wondering about what the vet said about my weight. Well, first she commented on how strong and muscular I was and that I SHOULD be a bigger cat just looking at my paw size (and you all know what big feet mean...a big appetite!) The vet was shocked that I could jump onto the high table from the floor (I think mom was a little shocked too). Anyway, I was put on a baby scale just like the one cousin Kate got weighed on. I have to say the needle tilted a little more to the right than Kate's did though. I weighed in at 18lbs, 8oz, so I've lost a few ounces since mom weighed me last. I should mention that a year ago I was only 17 lbs though. :( Anyway, mom has to start gradually feeding me a little less. I'm ok with that, because some days I don't eat all my food anyway. And besides, fit feels great!

That's all for now. Enjoy the pics of me at the vet. The second one is me mouthing off right after my hinder got assaulted.

Chuck

This is me ignoring you.

Don't think I didn't hear you talking to mom on the phone today, Grandpa. I know that you and Uncle Scooter don't want me there. MEOW-CH. That hurts. I was really excited to meet Zach, Ben, Kate and all the Aunties and Uncles that I've never met before...even Uncle John and Uncle Jeffy. I don't even care if they make fun of me and call me fat...I was willing to suck it up (and in) so I could get a chance to meet them. But nooooo, you said I couldn't come. I think it's really unfair that you let all your other grandkids come but me. I'm the oldest (and the most tame, if you ask me). You know how much I hate car rides, but I was ready to face my fear and buckle down (and up) for the 5 hour ride. We'll see if that ever happens again. Now I'm leaving it up to all of you to come visit me. That's right, I'm putting my foot down...all four of them. Come to think of it, I don't think half of my aunts and uncles have ever even seen where I live...Uncle Scooter? Uncle Greg? My mom has lived here for almost 4 years! Uncle Jeffy has been here, but only because he lived here (and from what I hear he loved every minute of it!) Auntie Shelly is my favorite...even though I haven't met her yet either...

In closing, please tell Brookie and Choo-choo I'm sorry that Grandpa and Uncle Scooter are such meanies. I really wanted to see them again and meet my other cousins too. I guess I'll just have to sit here all alone...

Love,

Your cousin, your nephew and your abandoned grandkid,

Chuck

Happy Father's Day, Grandpa!



Sorry for the lack of updates lately. Mom has been gone a lot and forgets to leave the computer on before she heads out the door. (Don't worry, I've had a talk with her). Luckily she came back in time for me to give a shout out to Grandpa on Father's Day. I even helped her write the card! I really wanted Mom to pick out a different card...I had my eye on one with a good looking girl on the front--one might even say she was the cat's meow--but Mom said Grandpa wasn't really into cats. I reminded her that she said the same thing about me at first, and now look at her. I can't even count the number of pictures she has of me on her phone. She claims that she only takes them so I have something to put on my blog, but I think we all know the truth. I mean, what's not to love??

Uh oh, I gotta go...I hear Mom creeping around the house. I think she's trying to secretly pack her suitcase, which can only mean she intends on leaving me alone again. Little does she know, I'm having a get together at the house while she's out...the first annual Chuckapalooza. Only the coolest cats in the neighborhood are invited! I'll be sure to post pics when Mom isn't around :)

Bye for now! Have a great day, Grandpa!

Chuck

Happy Birthday to ME!

Sunday, May 30 was my birthday...but did any of you remember?? NO! And to make matters worse, Mom totally ditched me! Yeah, she up and left me for Green Bay to visit baby Kate (who I heard was totally adorable, but that's beside the point). I was all alone on my birthday. In hindsight I should've pooped on Mom's pillow or something, but I figured I'm getting too old for that (I'm 7 now you know).

Anyway, Mom got home last night and you wouldn't believe what she said to me...after saying "Hi Bud", the next words out of her mouth were "Did you put on some weight? You look bigger". How rude! It was my stinkin birthday and that's the best she could come up with?! to prove her wrong, I allowed her to weigh me last night...and guess what. I'm still 19 lbs. I think Mom was so used to holding the little baby that I must've seemed bigger than usual. Whatever. She still could've kept her mouth shut. Didn't her Mom teach her: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"??

In the end she tried buttering me up with some Fancy Feast. It worked. I was putty in her arms after that. (sigh)

Here's me and my inability to contain my excitement:



Oooh...the flame is so beauuutiful.....



Patiently waiting for mom to put the dang dish down (and remove the hot candle):


Now that you all know it was my birthday, I can't wait for the presents to start rushing in!! (I accept cash too).

Mom, where are you?

Dear Mom,

I've been trying to write you a letter for the past hour but I just can't seem to get a good grip on this pen. Emailing/updating my blog seems a little impersonal but I guess it'll have to do.

When are you coming home? You've been gone forever (a week, to be exact). I love it at Kiley's house, except for the fact that I get the least amount of attention given the doggy and the baby (oh yeah, and the husband). Anyway, I hope you make it home before your birthday because I have the purrfect present for you. Let's just say it involves 19 lbs and a lot of cuddles. No, we didn't get a dog.

Can't wait to see you!

Love,

Chuckles

My First Video!

I'm so excited for Emily's party tomorrow I can't stand it! This video catalogues my excitement as well as my smarts...so apparently you can add "multitasker" to my resume as well. Oh, and please don't make fun of the time it took me to perform my trick. I almost got stuck midway through which made it embarrassing for me to face the camera.

I almost forgot!

Happy Anniversary Grandma & Grandpa! As you can see, I'm thrilled for you...

A little privacy please?

UGH...mom doesn't give me ANY privacy! Can't a guy get a little peace and quiet when he goes to the bathroom??




Did you really think I wouldn't wash my hands, mom? Really??? (I'd put my hands on my hips if I could find them).

And for my next trick...

Mom really needs to pay better attention...I could've wasted one of my 9 lives today! She was busy moving summer/winter clothes around and didn't realize she left the upstairs door open. I took full advantage and started exploring. I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a risk-taker. Yeah...I can rock any railing you throw at me. I dare you.



Ta-da!! A perfect 10!

Chores

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile...mom has been making me "do my fair share" around the house. Every since she caught me trying to jump over the fence last week, she's been on my tail. Yep, you heard me right. Last week mom and her friend were BBQing outside and mom let me come out too. I first tried to escape via an underground tunnel, only to find out that it was an egress window. I meowed at the top of my lungs until mom finally came to rescue me. I have to admit, it was kind of funny watching her jump down to save me and then try to get out. I think she got mad that I laughed at her...I wish I had a picture of that one! Anyway, once she rescued me and went back to the grill, I made a break for it and jumped on top of the fence. I was trying to decide whether to jump into the front yard (I was in the back) or jump into the neighbor's yard when she called my name. I've never seen mom run that fast! She grabbed me right as I was about to leap. Drat. So, as punishment, she made me do laundry. Here's a pic of me putting her laundry away (I had to sit on it to smush it down...she has so many clothes I could barely fit it in there!) Hopefully she doesn't mind the coat of hair that I accidentally got on them...

Let me tell you about my best friend...

I was very excited to find out that Grandma and Grandpa were coming this weekend and that they were going to bring Brooke and Charlie. I LOVE attention so I was really looking forward to their arrival on Friday. Little did I know, I would not get a minute alone until they left for the zoo on Saturday! :) I really wanted to go along, but my mom was afraid that the zoo would think I belong in a cage with the lions because I'm so big. After all, I outweighed Choo-choo and am pretty darn close to Brookie's weight. So, I let mom take my camera so she could capture a few pics at the zoo.

The rest of the weekend was fun because our visitors pretty much stayed at home with me. Mom let me outside a bunch of times knowing that I would eat a lot of grass again and might puke. I think she figures that if I puke I might actually lose a few lbs. Other than that, I played a lot of "follow the leader" with Brooke and Charlie. Everywhere I went, they followed. Even Choo-choo kept up with me (I guess it's not that hard considering my weight).

All in all it was a fun weekend. I think I going to just relax today after all the excitement. It's just so...quiet!

Thanks for a fun time Brookie, Choo-choo and G&G!